Lifetime announced it finally: the season that almost didn’t air is coming to the tube on August 20, 2009. According to Variety, the show willl get a 14-episode deal, Thursdays at 10 p.m.

Drama at the Up-Fronts this week (where they announced Lifetime’s Lineup) when Tim Gunn said, “I’ve never worked with such caring and compassionate and just plain smart people. Ever.”

The Bravo people are holding each other, rocking back and forth, eating oreos and choking back tears…

Dear Lil Rounds

Firstly, I don’t want to admit to the world that I actually devote hours each week to watching American Idol, but you leave me no choice. I was duped — my boyfriend loves it, and I love skill-based reality television, so I tolerate it.

When you auditioned, and with your first few weeks, I instantly fell in love. You sound like some of my favorite singers, Mary J. Blige and Alicia Keys. I love them, and I love your voice, when you sing those songs. And your family is just freaking adorable.

However, in order to do well on Idol for the past couple of years, it takes more than just being a decent Karaoke singer. As odd-judge-out Kara DioGuardi has said, especially to you, you should have shown that on top of your singing chops, you have to exhibit artistry.

Translation: You shouldn’t have sang songs from black artists. Or Celine Dion, because she’s lame and boring. Everyone expects you to do that.

So, like Adam Lambert, and Allison Iraheta, and some of those other people I don’t really care about, you should have done something out of the ordinary. But you really didn’t.

And honestly, as a fellow lady of blackness, I felt for you, and I know you should just be out there, singing whatever you want to sing. Whatever suits you, just go freaking sing it and be happy. But I understand the flip side — and I appreciate singers who have a greater realm of artistry than just what they appear they’re good at.

I don’t know your life story. Perhaps you’ve had no formal musical training, so you might not be fully aware of how to actually change the full arrangement of a song, as opposed to singing a few notes differently. For example, let’s take songs from the year you and I were both born, 1984. A wonderful year. You sang “What’s Love Got To Do With It” by Tina Turner. While I love that song, and I love Tina, here’s a bunch of songs you could have twisted into your own style, that were the tops in 1984:

1. When Doves Cry, Prince
5. Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now), Phil Collins
13. Let’s Hear It For The Boy, Deniece Williams
15. Girls Just Want To Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper
17. Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper
23. Hold Me Now, Thompson Twins
33. I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues, Elton John
35. Borderline, Madonna
38. Here Comes The Rain Again, Eurythmics
39. Uptown Girl, Billy Joel
57. Love Is A Battlefield, Pat Benatar
64. If This Is It, Huey Lewis and The News

You couldda made those your own, Lil! You couldda!

Anyway, good luck in your career. And also, your butt is fabulous, despite your Vote for the Worst caricature.

Love,

Michelle

Finally, the best reality show on television is returning to television — you’ll just feel like even more of a dork for having to watch it on Lifetime…

If you haven’t heard the  legal condrum, here’s the basic breakdown:

The Weinsteins, who produce Project Runway, sold five seasons worth of fabulocity to Bravo. Bravo aired the show, and reaped the benefits — Project Runway is Bravo’s highest-rated show. Ever. Like, even more than Inside The Actor’s Studio.

Anyway, so the Weinsteins realize “ohhh snap, it’s time to make a buck: our contract with Bravo is over. Konnichiwa, bitches” So they sold it for a super high profit to Lifetime. But Bravo found out (obviously…), got pissed off, and did what any good old American company would do — they sued!

So Bravo sues for a bajillion dollars, and they win, because those cooky Weinstein Brothers forgot that the network was privy to a “first look” option to renew the show.

Anyway, the vadge channel’s got a wonderful show. I am a little apprehensive but as long as Valerie Bertinelli or Meredith Baxter Berni are guest hosts, then eff yes!! Meanwhile Bravo is left scraping to fill their vadge void, with the appropriately named, The Fashion Show. Clever…

One of my favorite funny ladies is back on the air with a talk show coming out later this year! I guess if you’re a successful female comedian and you come out, that leads to hosting things like talk shows, the Oscars, and the White House Correspondence Dinner. Her talk show, which will be formatted kinda like Bill Maher’s show on HBO is going to rival Saturday Night Live, taking the spot formerly filled by the red-headed step child of sketch comedy, Mad TV.

A little Wandocity from the press release…

“I’m married, so this was a great excuse to get out of the house on a Saturday night,” said Sykes. When asked about returning to FOX, she added, “Yes, my relationship with FOX hasn’t been the best, but if Rihanna can go back to Chris Brown, I can go back to FOX. Oprah tried to talk me out of it, but I think FOX has changed.”

I just wish it wasn’t FOX, for her sake. I find the network to be very lame and classless, and not in the way that old Matlock-loving biddies hated FOX in the 1980s/90s. I just think that, aside from a few key shows, FOX has bottom-of-the-barrel programming…but that’s just me.