OK, cleaning sucks. A lot. Who actually likes to clean, other than Danny Tanner?

But it’s part of being an adult, especially since it’ nice to be able to invite friends over without them asking about that pesky cheese smell lingering around. So, we’re not going to pretend that cleaning is awesome (though it does give great results). But, there’s a few preliminary tips to get the ball rolling.

1. Break it up. Unless your mom calls and says, “I’m coming to visit today and I’m bringing your aunt and your grandma” you don’t have to do it all today. Unless you want to. Then you’re not really a slacker, but we’ll love you anyway. Some of us are fortunate enough to live in tiny apartments, so you don’t really have the luxury of cleaning separate areas between your dining room and bedroom. Then again, some of us have roommates. If you’ve gotten to the point where each of you say, “dude, we have to clean,” then split up the tasks together.

So, let’s say your clothes are basically acting as a second carpet: then do your laundry. Maybe do your dishes and file all those papers you have stacking up on the coffee table. Bam, you’re done for the day. Tomorrow, tackle the bathroom and dust. The next day, um, other stuff. The tactic is to break it down so it doesn’t feel like a massive overhaul.

2. Do the obvious. It will make your cleaning effort feel so much easier. Make your bed; your bedroom will probably look 50% tidier. Empty your overflowing recycling bin. No, it’s not garbage, but it ain’t art. Besides, the corner of your kitchen will make the rest of your kitchen look a lot better. Why don’t you take 5 minutes and scrape the toothpaste gunk off your sink and wipe down the counter. Now your bathroom looks nice enough to eat mashed potatoes off of… OK, not quite

OK, so, let’s look at this room-by-room:

Kitchen

Microwave. It’s probably a hot gooey mess in there. Take a microwaveable (duh) bowl and fill it with water. And while you’re at it, a zest of lemon just for fun — why the hell not?! Nuke for 2 minutes and then go in there with some kitchen cleaner. A germ fighter would be good, since heat = germs = gross. Scrub til it ain’t gross in there.

Stove. The one night you decided to be all fancy and make tomato sauce from scratch was the night you started watching Rock of Love 2 and fell asleep on the couch and you let the splatter get cozy on your stove top (don’t worry, it happens to the best of us). Douse the range with a nice cleanser for like, 10 minutes, let it do it’s thing, and wipe clean. Do commercial, with time lapse, to show how you really didn’t do much. And as for the inside of the oven, cop a can of Easy Off and follow the instructions.

Fridge. Yeah, this one requires us to battle our inner demons. This is probably the suckiest thing to clean in your kitchen, if not your house. I know you were saving that linguine from your first date with the hot guy from the gym, but it’s time to part with it. Actually, throw out anything that you know you’re not going to eat before it will spoil. Don’t be overtly optimistic, now. Be honest. Try to use a cleanser that won’t make your celery all toxic and mutated.

Bathroom

Toilet. While some men would like to believe that girls don’t poop, it isn’t true. Get over it. So, it’s only proper that we keep the throne fresh as a daisy. You should look into getting the best bowl cleaner you can find and let it do it’s job. You may also want to get a long-handle brush so your gorgeous mug isn’t 6 inches from the bowl. Just kinda gross, to me. While I don’t find it environmentally sound, you could get a toilet brush with disposable heads. Just know that Al Gore will shed one tear each time you chuck it.

Tub/Shower. The smartest thing to do would be to just get a spray that you spritz around the walls and floor of the tub after each shower. Then you don’t have to scrub so much. But, you should probably start that with a clean slate, so get the Scrubbing Bubbles and get to work.

Living Room

Sofa. Vacuum it. If it came with slip covers, throw it in the wash (and follow the instructions to avoid a shrunken cover, or a sofa with a “new color.”)

TV. Dust the screen of your television. When white screens look gray, it’s time to bust out the duster. Same goes for your computer screen.

Bedroom

Bed. Clean your sheets & pillowcases, Miss Nasty. And get your blanket in the wash while you’re at it.

Floors

Wood

Tile

Carpet. Vacuum — seriously.

Additional Stuff:

- Clean windows with coffee filters or newspapers. They both work surprisingly well.

- Stack magazines in nice neat piles. It looks pretty, and people will think you’re smart (put the Economist on top).

Dreaded Cleaning Tasks Made Easier {Real Simple}

Organizing Your Environment {43 Folders}

Homeade Household Cleaners {National Geographic’s Green Guide}

Now enjoy by going out when you’re done — when you invite the hot guy to come back to your place, you wont be so scared at what might leap out of the woodwork and join your after party.